I screwed up

So My best friend, let's name him "nick" for right now.
I was in an odd funk last week because I was left alone. I felt so alone. And when I was alone a long time, the last time I was about 14 and that's when I was cutting and so a depression loop started.
Anyway, I had another depression loop, and I felt completely and utterly alone. Nick wasn't there to help because he needed "guy" time, and I can understand that. I know that guys need space.
But Tuesday I was at his house and I had some bottles that were empty so I walked down the stairs to see Nick's sister, *myrtle* As myrtle stood at the bottom of the stair case with her friend I proceeded to hand her the 4 bottles I held. Myrtle looked at me aghast and said, "These aren't mine," I proceeded to do nothing. Myrtle's and Nick's mom voiced her opinion and said, "No, you're right myrtle those are Nick's," Myrtle then proceeded to try and hand them back and I told her that she could put them in the recycle, yes? NO, big big no no.
I'm screwed because I didn't even realized how I was reacting. My friend Nick then proceeded to hate and loathe me because he though I did this intentionally. So between this mishap of my week and being lonely and just wanting someone to be there (Even my brothers and my mom and my dad) and after having no one to talk to, I was taking my frustration with Nick and then my parents out on Myrtle which in turned got me shunned and destroyed mentally and emotionally to the point where I have most likely ruined all ties with my friend and his family.  I love them so much I would take a bullet for them. But I'm the one stirring shit up and causing all the drama and baggage to be my main problem when my problem is me.
I'm stupid and arrogant, I don't know how to control the emotions I feel! So here I am doing crap I don't even know I'm doing and later (now in the present time I'm writing this) screwed up and am scrambling to find my bearings to apologize to ask forgiveness and to fix a friendship I ruined.
I feel heart broken and a complete let down myself as my heart crumbles away into a million scraps of mean sorrow hurtful lies. (I know I'm very dramatic)
How can I fathom or even interest you on how much I care for this family and my "best" friend?
When I hurt his sister and then He takes it personally?
I feel dead, nothing inside. How can I cause the people I care about pain?
Why do I have to feel that pain, that hurt that I inflicted with no intention.
Needless to say, most of it is straightened out. Most, remember.

then there is the question why I can't be in control of my damned emotions or why I can't be smart and sensible and shut up once in a while? or even the fact I was cleaning Nick's upstairs room when I'm not even a part of his house? (because I love them)

I just need to go figure things out. I need to tread lightly. It's three strikes you're out? I'm on 2.
One caused by my sister last summer saying to Myrtle, "Wow Myrtle you really do work"
My sister doesn't know anything about my personal friends' lives, and if she does it's very small. I will only tell her things now, knowing she will babble-- so that she doesn't offend anyone.
I took the blame for it, I went up to Katie all humbled because Courtney would have destroyed my friendship. I hurt so bad after that.
And now this. :(

I'm at the edge of uncertainty
As we're letting go of who we are
You might think you found a better place
Closed your heart, you're far too far

You must be mistaken
Probably confused
How can you not feel it
Just a phase you're going through
Just a space without me and you
*

I never knew just how close I was to nowhere
When I was so close, to you
I never knew just how close I was to nothing
When I was so lost, in you

*Down to nothing
  Down to nothing
  Close to nowhere
  Nothing

I like the lyrics to this song. :) just catchy :)
I like my iPod because the "notes" app is very helpful when I need to rant and don't want anyone to see it. :) Yes, I'm telling you but you don't have my iPod or my code to get in.... so :) yup.