My Family Is Labeled

My family is labeled.
Most people will point fingers and give a social role, that my family does not fit into.
My family is strong and powerful and amazing. We are firm in Christ and that is the label that will stay with my family.
Due to recent events that might change. Words and rumors will be said and spread among our social circle and other people that we do not know.
MY parents have done everything and more for me. WE are a typical home-school family with a lot going on. My parents learned and conquered more than you can imagine and coming out of the life they did and raising me and my siblings. They are amazing and it hurts to think of them being labeled because of recent events.
My parents didn't screw up.
One of my siblings has screwed up and because of that screw up, it effects the family unit. Now, our social image will be corrupted. Should I be so worried about that?

I would think so. This Social label will be stuck with my parents and my siblings and me.
With my sibling doing what they did. I feel like I want to give up and disown them. I want nothing to do with them because I am so hurt. I betray my sibling to keep my social image and disclosure confidential. I don't want people knowing this label. I don't want people viewing me differently because of what has happened. I want them to know I love them and I am God's side and nothing can change that.

But what to do? I'm so distraught and conflicted. Nothing seems right anymore, and this is hard.
I wont disown or shame my sibling, I wont hide them. I will not tell what's gone on. I will make up more excuses to protect them. If it's the least I can do, let me do it and hopefully God willing my heart will be okay with this decision.

I don't want this label, yet it is brought to my family and we will not accept it. We will not let it effect us drastically. We will survive and live on to God's calling and love for our lives as a family and a unit.

I am so scared, but he's here with me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSFH6_IiOlw

Gluten intolerance, or Picky eating?

There is a thing known as Gluten Intolerance, but it is a rarity.
With gluten free and intolerance, you tend to make yourself worse in the effort to get better and you think you are doing yourself a favor in the long run, when in fact you are hurting yourself more.

I'm wondering if for me, hiding behind Gluten intolerance was and is a way to be in control of my food, because I love food.
I do enjoy food way too much and freak out when I eat to much. So by restricting what I can and cannot have makes it easier to live and not be in a sense "mentally fat". I am always conscience of my figure and how I am perceived.
I always wonder though, if I started to claim this "intolerance" is a way for me to hold onto what else I have left of unhealthy eating habits. NOT to be associated with bad and over consumption and junk food eating habits. But unhealthy in the sense of controlling what you eat for the wrong reason.

I have had this wall broke down by my boyfriend. I am starting to eat wheat again and am enjoying it. But at the same time as the wall broke down, I have found myself not as mentally capable to stop snacking and over eating. That I tend to eat way!!!! more than I should and have found myself to weigh ten more pounds than my last weight which was around 140.
I'm worried about ending up fat and mentally fat. I'm scared that if i don't start things now to being mentally competent in my food choices, again that I will end up like most of my extended family, obese and having a lot of medical problems.

The thing is. I don't want to be over weight, i don't want to be fat. I am so afraid of being fat and ending up with another Eating Disorder in efforts to control my weight yet again.
My fear? My mom and dad will tell me i can't exercise, they will tell me that they are watching me relentlessly. That them saying that will make me more upset and more conscience of what I look like.
I know that's misconstruing the point, all in all though it is how I think.

I am afraid to work out because mom will comment and tell me, "I'm worried about you" Yes, I appreciate that. Yes, I love her concern. It's not something I exactly want to know when I'm trying to lose weight to make myself healthy because then it feels like my efforts are for a hidden reason, when in fact they are not.

My mom tells me i'm beautiful and amazing. I can see it. :) I do love her, just she doesn't know how much I weigh and how much I don't want to weigh that number.

She posts things on my Face- Book that make me want to go "MOM! that's not it! I'm overweight and I'm afraid I'm out of control and that I'll do nothing but eat myself to death."
Yes, it's a stupid fear to a "normal" person. But if anyone has ever notice and said it, there is no normal.


SO what, I want to workout the days I don't have work. I want to work out and watch what I eat.
It's not obsessive to the point where I'm anorexic or bulimic. This is something I want to do without having my mom go you're fine the way you are.

And maybe i know if i opened up to her about this I might get her support. But at the same time, I might get her criticism of being "skinny" and beautiful.

So back to my topic at hand. Maybe this gluten thing, is the last thing I need to get rid of to start towards being me, with my eating habits.