so the world wont blow up if you keep at what you're doing and where you're going.
But are you, leading you?
Are you letting God work in you, are you letting him step in his rightful place to prepare a way for you are you letting him provide? or are you saying F*ck you and kicking him to the curb in a cardboard box?
Don't let your guard down for one moment and say "I've got this" because that 1 time you do, is going to be your down fall and destruction and your slow climb back to the place you once were.
This ramble can be applied to many relationships and aspects of my life. It makes me sad to think of it all and all the issues life presents. The devil isn't fair, and this is his domain and it scares me. Because I'm seeing all the issues arise and I want to run back to my own comfort and my own hope and I can't because I know what God is capable of. I know how he takes me as I am. And I know he works miracles. I know he does ! I've seen it with my own two eyes and it makes me excited. I love God with all I am. I want that in every aspect in life. I want that in my family and I want that. and I have that and I see that. BUT I have to keep striving for it and doing my all so that I may continue on going and have strength because my strength is in HIM.
My sister is in jail and I am a anxious worry wort, I'm worried about my future, I'm worried about everything and then the realization of God stepped in and stopped me.
I yelled at my fiance today. I yelled. I don't yell and I don't scream and I don't raise my voice. I am a very strict person and I know I come across as a jerk sometimes. But that doesn't mean I am. I want to be soft and gentle and I feel like my soul is. I know I am. I am normally happy and I'm scared about my happiness's future.
I worry, and I need to let go and let God provide. He provides and he will shine in my storm and he will show me his power and he will provide and he will be there and he will hold me and he will love me and he will not let me be alone. I trust him. I hold him closer. I will lean on his understanding.
I will look back at this and I will know how I am to react and how I feel at this moment knowing God is in control.
