Am I a failure?

Im not a failure. I didn't pass my math test today. Had a 62% needed an 80 to pass.
Am I dumb? No, I'm not dumb. I struggle like everyone else in the world. I'm human and I make mistakes. Am i a failure? No, because I tried. If I didn't try I would be lazy and unmotivated.
Nothing is worst than the feeling of disappointment in yourself, but there is always tomorrow.

I need to find a way to relieve stress and there is a way I can handle it. I'm just having trouble trying keep it well handled.
I used to cut, my body and mind now recognize that as a way of relieving stress. I'm not going to cut. I don't want to cut , yet the urge is there. I don't want voices back in my head. I don't want to face that demon and bring a new one into my life! I just want to breathe! I think I now have a developing eating disorder. I'm not sure but it's scary. I'll say that much.
You know the saying, "when I sleep that's when i can escape reality?"
I can't. I don't sleep. I have trouble even getting 5 hrs each night. I have nightmares when I'm to stressed. I have nightmares which make me not want to sleep because I'll see my nightmares again that night. I'm scared to sleep. I'm scared to do anything incase I might do something wrong. I'm scare if I don't figure out a way to get stress off of my shoulders, ill break even more.
I'm human, I can only do so much. I need to be able to live and think.

Unstressed? Not really

I'm more scared that I'm going to be more stressed.
Why worry about what I cant control? I CAN'T
I just want to be a kid. I want to be care free. I have a job and I am going to college.
I just want to be free and not worry about college and not worry about trying to figure out my "job" my life goals.
I just want to breathe. I just need to breathe. What's so wrong with that?
I feel pressured. I can't deal with this.

I'm also apparently greedy selfish and completely unethical. Beyond my personal rights to be a human being of diligent responsibility. I've been doing a lot of what my parents did. I don't want to be my parents and at the same time I don't want to be the kid that turned out wacko from too much stress.

I'm complaining and venting. I'm nothing but stress on my parents. I add more than needed. Yet my habits aren't good.
I used to cut. Self harm. I didn't seek help I fought the battle on my own. Now I keep getting stress sick. My mouth and stomach can't take it anymore. I just need to breathe!!!!!!!!!
Why can't I?
Because I'm in water drowning.
Never hearing the songs of life around me. I will continue to fight and struggle against the waves of torture and salt. I will continue to try and breath underwater. At some point though, I'll want to give up.
Just someone send me a life ring and let me be calm and restful during a storm. Give me a chance to catch my breathe and even think.

Let me be me. Not a pressured girl forced into society.
Let me be stress free please!