A-m-a-zing! Really A-m-a-zing!

I have only just realized something in my life, that I hadn't before. You know when you have problems and you just can't stop thinking about. How one very simple wrong turn would make it different. I have once, the only thing is I really freaked out about it, when I found out. The very thought of it going through my head me being a grouch......I wasn't happy with the turn of events. This was a week ago. My mind raced when I was in my room. How in the world would I live with this. Talk about future events that I didn't want to happen. I stop everything in its track. My knees bent and I landed on my bed. Truth be told, I never once found myself or seeing this happen. With my head bent I confesed to God that I didn't want this event to happen. That as a human I could never process it through and through my head. The funny thing is, is that when I told God I wanted this to be in his hands and never really think about it. Precious moments afterwards were so releaving. Nothing and I repeat "NOTHING" ever like this had ever happened to me. The moment after I told God, I felt like I was just free. He took away my burden so I wouldn't have to bear it. That's why he's there. He's here for all of us. I never once had ever felt this paticular moment of realizing that he's here with me. He wants my happiness and love with a whole other load of things. He's the reason we are here and the reason in the future. With out him we wouldn't be here trying to do our best in everything. It's like we are the little todler looking up to their Daddy when he's telling you not to do something, your not supossed to do it. Right? It's like when you're on the end of your parents bed and your Daddy is telling you to jump because he's going to catch you afterwards. It's because he's testing your faith. You have to have faith before you do anything or even trust him but you jump and you always no matter how long or big the jump is, you will always end up in his arms. You need faith to let God handle your life and you have to give it over to him before he can help you. It's like saying you're a christian when you go to church and really aren't. There is a big difference in this world. Between everything, when everything's fine and we start to push him away because we are done useing him as a crutches and then when distater hits you end up calling around and wondering were you put him. It's the world people. Anyway after I let God take controll, I went down stairs and apologized to my Mom and Grandpa that I was sorry for my tude. That I wasn't being the nicest. I am writting about this and it's been a week. Yes I counted the days, but it didn't really come back to nag me of how my life would be different. The only reason it's different is because I let God take and have controll. Even being a Christian and not letting it happen is really dificult. So I let it happen and this is how it came out.

Can't believe it.

How many of you know someone that has the roughest life in the world? (In my opinion) I do. She's the most amazing person that has so much on her plate and clears it after moving things and adding more...... It's my mom. she has so much to do and gives so much of her time that she has so little time for herself. I love her, she's the best mom. I appreciate her so much and I wish I could relieve the stress off of her shoulder's while my dad's gone. It's so hard seeing everything, just fall apart. Like a machine that's gears aren't functioning right. My family is laid back a little, but not so much. It's really hard to try and do stuff for the whole family and yourself, when all of you are bickering, even yourself. My mom tries so hard to help others, just to be brushed off. The whole deal, with everyone....... I guess what I'm trying to say is I really want to help her, I just think that she won't want me too is because.......I do so much. I think that my family does need to try harder and let me and my parents relax a little. But then my question is, what will I do. I kind of live to help, it's too much for me to let go....... this is the part where I might say that I'm to much like my mom. (whom is wonderful by the way) It's happening............. Christmas is the best time to let parents not worry about what to get the little kids. they shouldn't worry about that. the kids should worry about the parents. Let them relax and help ease their minds. Kids are supposed to take care of the parents and that's what I want to do...... I love my parents dearly.....the most in the world and universe. What does that compare for how much they loved you the moment they knew about being pregnant with you. They love you and then you loved them when you were really little. Life is really amazing and it's how you translate it. I don't know why I'm rambling about doing such but its what I feel at the moment..... I need to go, anyway life is a passage way till you get to the other side. Bye.