normal life?

Well first things first....
STRESS- I think stress is killing my stomach and my sleep patterns to the point, I don't know what to do. My stress is bad when I face something unexpected, I should truthfully says when my stress is at its worst then I have a really bad day.
I know that with my body, my stomach, my sleep pattern are all related with my stress.
I get sick sometimes and when I'm sick my mouth (as if my teeth aren't bad enough and being killed by stomach acid) it hurts my throat. I get a scratchy throat and then I feel crappy the rest of the day.
I also face stress through high school, and college. I find stress through my mom and my dad, they both have regular activities. I know for me, when my mom is stressed. I become stressed. She has so much to do and yet she takes more on her plate. I feel like I have to live up to her standard. I feel like i'm being pressured into being someone I'm not. What can happen? I break. I'm broken, I might as well be dead.
I've gone through so much through personal struggle, through issues with family and friends. I don't want to be sick with stress anymore. So I'm going to find way to get through this.
When I'm stressed I lash out at the simplests things. I don't want to be the bad person, I don't want to be the mean person.
I know it's hard but maybe if I didn't have so much pressure in my life. I'm told by my parents, more specifically my mom, I just need to see the bigger picture. Granted that does help me with my anxiety over stress. It's a continuous circle though. I don't sleep at night because I'm stressed, then anxiety from not being able to sleep enough and then fear of going to sleep.
"I'm messed up, I'm dumb, I'm stupid, I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm also not worth it."
These lies above, have been stuck in my head. They scare me and I pray about it. I pray for God to take this away. He has but I have to push through it.
I'm still stressed out by my siblings not getting along with each other. My mom having so much to do and being overwhelmed by everything in her life. Then my dad gets upset that my mom's upset. I become more upset and stressed. I have the weight of the world on my shoulders even though I don't put it there. I can't please everyone. I do know this, it's hard to try and get past it.

I have started tai chi in hopes of being able to relax, to be able to breathe.  I do this three times a week. I still need some more stress relief. Even after I have done my tai chi, the weight of my world starts crashing on me.

I also think another reason I am stressed and grumpy at the same time. My spine, and my neck and my bones all ache, I know this can be an issue for my body. I know that when I did hurt my neck back in 2010, once I was done with physical therapy I was more nice.
I think I need my spine and neck to be relaxed.
So a lot of things can be contributing to my stress and pressure I feel, even if there is no pressure.


the cycle:

worry - stress - no sleep - anxiety - more stress - raynauds flares up - crankiness - to pressure - then back to a bigger state of worry. The cycle the second time around, it is twice as hard.

I know for me this cycle has to be broken and I'm going to break it somehow.
I don't know how, but I will with help from God and my family and friends. :)
<3 p="p">
 Another thing in my life. I am trying to advoid gluten and sugar at all cost because when I'm stressed my stomach acts up, when that happens I get sick. I mostly get sick by my stomach having trigger foods. If I eat too much sugar, I get sick. Gluten I get sick... I can get sick on a lot of things, it's quite annoying. So now the option to eat healthy is a better one :)

I have recently started my enlgish course in college. IT SUCKS! I'm being told, I'm too "negative" in my thinking. I mean really?! I'm negative?
okay maybe I am.... but it's annoying to be called out on it.

Anywho, bai bai <3 p="p">