more life

Life continues as always.
I just didn't know going through so much shock and adjusting in any stress related environment would cause more stress. You get stress from shock, that plays on the stress from the event, and that all plays on the stress of absolute changes that you can't control. Stress is known as an outside source that pushes or move a stable grounded object.
We as humans are the grounded object and then the stressor comes and knocks us out of the ground.
I love my family and what's been happening recently with my sister's health has knocked us all out of the ground as a family. It is very hard to deal with the stress in a large quantity.
I am getting stressed. My sister is manic, which isn't a bad thing after coming back from the hospital. I'm jsut getting overwhelmed. I'm glad I have school and work to focus on, but as she sits in our room, I'm with her and I need to watch out for her. I don't notice when she has episodes or black out session from her condition. So I have a little pressure on me. Just because I want to watch out for her.
But another thing, my mom is getting stressed too, and that's causing a few out bursts of me blowing up because she is exhibiting and sending out flustered and stressed signals.
the moral, stress on top of stress about stress does not collide with stress. Period; at all.

This is a little annoying. Plus I just had an occurrence where my sister wanted to "play roughhouse" but she doesn't know how to, with out it being somewhat intimate. She tried biting my neck and grabbing my chest. She is also 80 lbs heavier than me and it's hard when she is crushing my hips into the floor to get her to listen and get off of me. She has a boy friend for that stuff. Now, if we were goofing off I would love it. Tickle fights and enjoying each other's company. But she is heavy and manic so it's hard to play around with her, like we have in the past. I just need her to understand the limits. My dad finally came up and got my sister to get off me.

So with everything that has happened in the last three months, being the equivalent of three months condensed down into a short time frame; the stress has been x3 and difficult to manage but not prolonged.

School is nuts, one month left of my condensed CNA course. I'm excited and scared at the same time. Anxious for all the test again, sure.
But more anxious I might be in limbo from goals. I like goals and I need them. They help me focus, I don't need to go off the deep end again. It's scary and I'm not sure what to do.
I'll figure it out as I always do ;) I know what I'm doing with my life because of God. HE is in control.
Need to recognize that more often.
But I'm excited school's almost done,
my not a boy friend would like to talk with my parents but I doubt they need more emotional stress on them with my sister's situation and her boy friend, and my sister's mood swings.
So I feel just a little held back. I know that's to be expected in a family, but when it's demanding and controlling to the point I'm fighting back and being drafted into the things or errands I don't want to deal with then it's a problem. I'm not saying I'm having trouble, but my sister is demanding things: parent's are busy tomorrow and I want to visit my boyfriend but I can't drive (medical condition prevents it atm), So you have to take me.
You know, I have a life and you fit in it but you don't control it.
Please understand I have the best intentions to love you and help you because you are my family, but I am me, and I will not let you control it.
I will also not let my mind control me and my fears. I have to master them and face anything I am scared and confused about head on. I found that out in the last few weeks. Because my parents are great role models, and lead by example. I know with God I can do that. I can face anything head on.
So I'm nipping this in the butt. God has control of me, but I wont let you ruin and run my life.