Unstressed? Not really

I'm more scared that I'm going to be more stressed.
Why worry about what I cant control? I CAN'T
I just want to be a kid. I want to be care free. I have a job and I am going to college.
I just want to be free and not worry about college and not worry about trying to figure out my "job" my life goals.
I just want to breathe. I just need to breathe. What's so wrong with that?
I feel pressured. I can't deal with this.

I'm also apparently greedy selfish and completely unethical. Beyond my personal rights to be a human being of diligent responsibility. I've been doing a lot of what my parents did. I don't want to be my parents and at the same time I don't want to be the kid that turned out wacko from too much stress.

I'm complaining and venting. I'm nothing but stress on my parents. I add more than needed. Yet my habits aren't good.
I used to cut. Self harm. I didn't seek help I fought the battle on my own. Now I keep getting stress sick. My mouth and stomach can't take it anymore. I just need to breathe!!!!!!!!!
Why can't I?
Because I'm in water drowning.
Never hearing the songs of life around me. I will continue to fight and struggle against the waves of torture and salt. I will continue to try and breath underwater. At some point though, I'll want to give up.
Just someone send me a life ring and let me be calm and restful during a storm. Give me a chance to catch my breathe and even think.

Let me be me. Not a pressured girl forced into society.
Let me be stress free please!