my stomach drops as I think he will not be mine. I have had to step back from my best friend and only because he needs to grow. I will miss him while he's in McCall (a resort on a lake) and just.
Why is everything spinning around my head. I have to keep my end of the bargain and I just can't stop thinking about him.
My head spins and my heart aches and my blood pounds and I just don't want to let him go! I'm so beside myself I don't know what to do.
I can't deny that I love him, because I do with all my heart and soul and mind and want him to be mine forever and a day. I want him to love me, and give me a life worth living. I can't imagine my life with out it. Only time will tell sadly, as I have stepped back. Because he needs to breathe and grow and develop and learn and roar in the world! I'm excited if I can stay by his side, I'm excited if I can still be a part of his life. I want to know him more. I want more in common but at the same time.
He's mine, he just is. I step back and feel heart broken and realize that I love him. I have for a while now. I know my feelings and my feelings make me feel stupid, but at least I have my head on straight. Because I know what I want and I know what I need.
He's literally my other half. while I'm rambunctious and hyper: he is calm and can make me calm down or even join in the fun of being silly. I want him so bad.
but I must step back.
WHY does the turmoil destroy and devour my heart? why does it consume my thoughts constantly?
When all I can think of is him beside me and loving me, and I loving him and giving and blessing him?!
Why does heart break feel so lonely and underestimated? I want him now, but I know it's for best.
So my head argues back and forth on the subject when I already made a mature choice, But was it the right one? I'm scared that he'll find another girl. I'm scared he wont love me or come back.
better get out of the feelings I have and eliminate them from my life so I don't experience any hurt.
but I Love him I will always love him.
He's amazing and splendid and so indescribable he made me spin 180* he took my breath away and he absolutely blessed and saved me more than once! His eyes sparkle and let me see his soul. I learn more about him and get excited for him when things are going good and going his way.
He just swept me off my feet, with his little quirks or even his smile. His outstanding laugh and his sheepish and embarrassed smile and eyes. The way he blushes! It makes him, him. I can't deny my feelings and saying I love him. It's a wonderful realization but too late. He needs to grow. So here I am wallowing in self pity to know that he needs to grow and I get to be there to watch :)
No comments:
Post a Comment